discomfort

my mind keeps trying to convince me that it’s been a long time since i’ve written, but i know that it’s lying to me. i mean, what’s five days compared to the time when i disappeared for several weeks or even several months? but maybe it’s lying to me because i was promising myself that i would write at least every other day, and with that idea clearly out the window my brain has resorted to lying as a last effort to maintain my integrity to myself. what an interesting concept; breaking ones integrity in order to maintain it. i guess it’s all about balance and moderation.

i was elated when the new zelda for GCN arrived today. there was a little apprehension involved in regards to having an unexpected package delivered to me by fedex, because i had totally forgotten that it was shipping despite having received emails from the fulfillment house that it was indeed on its way a few days earlier. mind you, i said a little apprehension; soon the child in me took over and with wide eyes i ripped into the cardboard box to reveal my golden treasure. excitement!

it was especially nice that it arrived today since i had been working so diligently on somnific.com over the past couple of days, and with everything pretty much completed (besides modules that can be added whenever i choose) and tweaked out i can game with peace of mind.

weather ’round these parts has been gorgeous lately. some rain has fallen in the past couple of hours, but before that the days were sunny and clear, with warm temperatures and mild breezes filling my senses and it felt perfect. it’s interesting to think that a few weeks ago we were dealing with an unsurmountable amount of snow, but it’s about time i got used to it – i’ve begun to realize that the seasonal transition in my area from winter to summer and vice versa is extremely short and i’ve learned to savor the taste of spring and fall.

a few days ago i awoke with some serious discomfort in my left shoulder, but didn’t think much of it. however, when j—- and i put the bike rack on my roof a few days later it was unpleasantly painful. i tried to recollect when i could have injured myself; i’m pretty sure that i don’t move much in my sleep (or so my past sleeping companions have told me because i ask them because i can be paranoid about those kinds of things) and i really hadn’t done any serious lifting in a long time. i have been trying to go running on a regular basis, but i’m highly doubtful that any type of running activity could have done this type of damage to my shoulder. blanking on a reason why my shoulder was in such a foul mood, i have resorted to stretches and mild lifting exercises in hopes that nothing is serious and that it can repair itself over time – i’ll give it a good month before i get worried and start making appointments to visit my doctor.

i realized: i just want to be happy. i just want you to be happy. i just want us to be happy.

3 comments

  1. do you think happy people just want to be “unhappy” ?? Or how does that work exactly?

  2. i highly doubt that people consciously want to be unhappy; subconsciously might be a different issue. i mean who knows why people do the things they do, right? i image we’d be surprised by the amount of people who don’t want “you” to be happy (you mean people in general). as for happy people being unhappy… i imagine there are people aren’t happy being “happy”, or, er… i have no idea how that would work. maybe people might think their lives seem empty without sadness and drama in their lives?

  3. i personally could not imagine myself being “happy”. being unhappy has shaped who and what i am, a cold-hearted bastard that just doesn’t care for life or death. it’s in-between. besides, you don’t achieve happiness, silly.

Leave a Reply to mark Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *