May 03


2:58 AM: email #1


that was a great letter! i know that i definitely appreciate what you’ve written and shared with us, and i’m betting that dad and mieziele will also totally appreciate it.

i just want to say that i think you are doing great, and i know that our whole family is proud of you, and i’m proud to be your sister!

you did great and stuck to your guns! you never gave up and you should proud of what you have, and what you will accomplish.

okay, this a probably way dorky sounding coming from me, so i’ll stop while i’m ahead. :)

be calm and cool! i love you!

your loving brother,


3:02 AM: email #2

did i really say that? hAhAhA

i think it’s supposed to go “and i’m proud to be your brother!”, or “and i’m proud to have you as my sister!”

hah, i’ll probably hear about this one for months.

love you all,


May 03


after months of searching, i have found someone who will sell me “Sounds of the Empire” by Capitol K.

and GOD, i love tool.

i dreamed that i was in my house, turning the corner at the top of the stairs and in front of my door stood this big blue thing. every part of him was this dr. seuss blue, with black highlights. he was all furry, wearing a blue hawaiian shirt, with this evil looking blue seussian face.

donnie darko comes to mind.

he took off his mask, and it was andy, and i told him he was freaking me out and that he needed to let me in my room, but he took of his andy face, and underneath was that dr. seuss blue mask again. we played chess, and i barely beat him, so logically he jumped down the stairs and into the bonfire that had somehow grown to ridiculous heights without burning the whole house down.

but i guess it was a dream, after all.

May 03


man. sometimes i hate people.

okay, not hate. but really dislike them.

i need to go back to smoking pot everyday so that i won’t care about anything and be all burnt out by the time i’m 33.

okay, maybe not.

to be 10 again.

on a brighter note, tomorrow i’m going to watch the matrix reloaded. hoorah!

there was prattle riding through the airwaves as the smell of graduation and celebration clung off the thick air. being dressed up in a suit is always the exception so i reveled in my non-shady, anti-gansta, almost respectable look. i don’t know from where, but an overwhelming sense of disappointment enshrouded me, and my vision became blurred and sandy. amidst all the joy and vivacity i felt sad and incomplete.

i shrugged it off, because i knew i was happy where i was. life is as full and undiminished as you want to make it, i clicked to myself, and i returned to the revelry and jubilation where i let myself become festively content.