30
Jul 03

hysterical

my brain tickles on velutinous, my body searing on apogee. i’ve been riding on a buzz that just won’t let me go, but it’s not like i have a round trip ticket back home. smells permeate off my body, reminding me, cajoling me to appease my ideas and thoughts, to bring me back where i feel safe and desired.

cruising on an endless road i laugh in hysterical wonder at what lady luck has brought me.

can it be true?

can it be real?

i’ll always question it, i’ll always ponder. that’s just my nature. not the direct act itself, not the feelings or the senses that overwhelm me, but rather the blurry future that it offers. i know it’s authentic – it reeks of genuine – but even then i find it surreally amazing. i always will, even if it doesn’t happen to me.


25
Jul 03

kicker

C:\>cd marksmind

C:\MARKSMIND\>dir

TASKS.EXE

THOUGHTS.EXE

OBSERVATIONS.EXE

C:\MARKSMIND\>tasks

wish aimee happy birthday, check up on fedex package, recharge cellphone, look into new cellphone/wireless package, setup laptop, download photos, shave head, do work for bernie, but new muziq CD as per jeff’s request, write testimonials for friendster, take mom to elizabeth’s, clean room, fix towel hanger in bathroom, clean desk, buy new strings for guitar, digitize tracks, plan things for pittsburgh, finish second run through of zelda, hook up n64, hook up gamecube, buy new link cable, rework budget, stop smoking (again).

C:\MARKSMIND\>thoughts

the weather is beautiful, why am i working? aimee is being cranky lately, why? i wonder if my bonzai package got to simpletech already. i should probably bring my cellphone to at&t to get rid of that shaking – add to tasks. i look like a little preppy boy wearing a polo shirt for work. man, i need to shave my head – even at a quarter inch my head is starting to feel hot. i should probably fold my laundry. even though we got to put down some tracks yesterday, it was annoying listening to andy tweak. my mom is here for 9 days; as much as i love my mom that’s a long she’s going to be in my house. i miss my bed already. my girl’s not going to maryland this weekend, hoorah! and oh god, she’s gorgeous. i want to get the new black eyed peas album. how now brown cow. get things settled for weddings. need to buy a black tie – add to tasks. how much air is tires? what to eat for lunch. i need to go to dover for a videoshoot. at least it’s nice out.

C:\MARKSMIND\>observations

how can people operate through “asshole mode” like they don’t even care? there are people that i deal with on a regular basis, and sometime they’ll do something that makes me wonder how they can not have any idea that they are hurting someone else’s feelings. sometime i get really upset and try conceiving some plan that would give them their just desserts, their come-uppance if you will, but i usually end up thinking that it wouldn’t be worth it, especially in the whole “karma” aspect of things. but here’s the kicker: when it comes down to it, these asshole mode people don’t expend any serious amount of energy being how they are. there’s no planning, no thought about consequences, no consideration about how it will effect people. but if someone like me were to try and do the things that they do, to be at the same level that they are, it would would require a serious amount of effort.

i don’t know if that made any sense.

C:\MARKSMIND\>cd ..

C:\>


24
Jul 03

splinter

(sing it man.)

instigate my life ahead

motivate into my bed

words tumble and fornicate

lessons learned to demonstrate

raise the splinter in your eyes

with the glow you can’t disguise

the wheels turn back your mind

as thoughts dance across my spine

and you know

it’s all new but i don’t care

even if people stop and stare

with you inside my minds at ease

so come along now, won’t you please

goodwill on the road beyond

silhouettes until the break of dawn

shadows break and disappear

time to move without a fear

smooth your love into a dream

pull me out before i scream

the waves break at the ground

as we venture even furthur down

and you know