tuesday, december 10, 2002 7:13:59 pm




so here i am.

let's play a game. you ready? GO!

try to guess something about me that you have no idea about.

everything around me is a soft glow of tangerine orange. i'm not so sure why - it might have something to do with the orange couch set sitting in my living room, the soft lights glowing off of them and reflecting on the walls around me. i'm sitting in my soft black chair, shaking my right leg as i peruse down a road that once was so familiar to me. i notice little things: my nervous shuffling as i look back and forth from my computer screen to the dimly lit hallway to my right where i hear the drowning volume of the television flooding the back room as A clicks a button to another brand new world...

only on fx...
steven spielberg presents...
uhm, you know...
the war battle plans are all but that...
but jessie has only one day...

outside i noticed two plastic bags. one was white. i could tell it was white even though the only light sources around were street lamps that hummed a soft electric song. the other bag was blue - i could tell it was blue much easier that i could tell the other one was white. why, i don't know. i just could. the bags danced around together in the 4 day old snow that had turned black due to the vehicles that sprayed dirt and mud and muck all over it. i thought it was strange that these two bags had found each other. my thoughts drifted as i inhaled toxins through my oral canal, clouding my lungs, clouding my mind, clouding my thoughts.

god, how pretentious this must sound.

it was her birthday yesterday, as in monday december 9th. as the day wore on, i thought about this fact several times and pondered what to do. i thought of good times, of bad times, of laughing and crying, of comfortable silences, awkward glances, of nervous firsts. most of these thoughts ended with a head shake and a sigh, followed by the mustering of energy to distract myself. those that managed to escape this pattern left me drifting in a haze of what could have been and why.

A asks me if i can set the alarm on my cell phone so that he can be ready to press record on the vcr. i think about it for a moment and i realize that not only do i not know how to set the alarm, but that i don't even know if i have an alarm on my cell phone. he looks at me puzzled and fiddles around with my phone but can't figure it out either.

C tells me that her and J saw the strangest thing. the parting of clouds at night, with a straight view across the sky, moving very fast and very low. several plausible ideas cross my mind. maybe it's just some sort of weather anomaly, a phenomenon, a strange occurrence. maybe it was a miracle, or some sort of sign. i don't know what it is and it's probably better that way.

i think about smoking, but decide against it. as my tired eyes absorb the orange glow, i type my last thoughts, which are about my feet.

my feet hurt.





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