life observations, thoughts

yikes, i am dangerously low on spendable cash and find myself constantly juggling numbers in my head. work is making my brain melt into a soppy, yellow liquid, which wants to drain out of every available orifice in my head. not feeling particularly tired since i did manage to get a big chunk of sleep last night, but the rash of warm – strike that – hot days has made me lethargic and yearning for a cold room to pass out in.

i find it interesting that a few of of my caucasian female friends, including my girlfriend(?), tan and enjoy it to a certain degree; being someone of filipino descent has blessed/cursed me with a year round tan, and while i don’t find anything wrong with tanning in any way, the idea of me staying out in the sun for prolonged periods of time to specifically get darker is in no way appealing. in fact, i tend to slink away from standing out in the sun as much as possible. although i enjoy sunlight thoroughly, having all that light beating incessantly down on me actually makes me kind of uncomfortable.

oh, and i am incredibly bored.

baaaaaa do dee da de do baaaaaa do dee da de do baaaaaa do dee da de do.

thought: snickers ice cream cone

names and dates on a post-it note.

anne – may 19

meg – may 22

katharine – may 22

mom – june 1

joe – june 6

alex – june 7

leyla – june 8

mieziele – june 24

last 10 songs played: (song, artist, album)

unkle main title theme, unkle, psyence fiction

maetl, autechre, incunabula

saints & sinners, pushin too hard, dirty trancing

second bad vilbel, autechre, tri repetae++

capitan nemo/escape, various artists, five star galaxy part two

how will i know, cousteau, cousteau

better?, propellerheads, decksanddrumsandrockandroll

tension 2, blue man group, audio

cosmonaut, capitol k, sounds of the empire

tnt, tortoise, tnt

lack of sleep again last night, a possible 13 hour sleep session tonight.

so, the girl is down at myrtle beach for a week, and even though i just talked to her for an hour plus, it just doesn’t feel like enough. god, i’m a dork.

excitement rattles through my bones, with a pinch of trepidation and anxiety – the days of routine and certainty feel blissfully distant, but i should be careful not to mistake this new awareness with something that itself will become habitual. one must not get lulled into complacency, a very wise fellow once told me, and i will be careful to listen to those words.

there is an open space waiting to be consumed, which is a good thing; trying to decide what to fill it with, especially when you are used to it being so cluttered, is what is proving to be difficult. i’ve contemplated inflating it with strains of motivation and self perpetuating garbage, but it doesn’t feel right yet, but i’m also concerned that with hesitation it might become gorged with intentions that aren’t quite as noble. grrr, the vicious circle, the self-fulfilling prophecy, always nipping at my heels.

at this moment however, with echoes of technicolor yawns and vanilla smelling necks, i welcome morpheus into my mind and hope that the journeys he leads me on will be wondrous and insightful, leaving my wide eyed, in awe and in peace.