i stepped out of the shower and realized that i hadn’t used soap or shampoo. i stepped back in and 5 minutes later i realized i still hadn’t soaped or shampooed. i didn’t know where my mind was. i hadn’t felt this muddled since the whole j— situation. i missed her.
we haven’t spoken in several months. at first it was wonderful, then messy, then things got better but eventually our feelings for each other just made things all messy again. when we last spoke i was hurt and she was crying but i hung up the phone anyway. that was the last time i heard her voice, the last time i felt her love. since then we’ve walked on different paths and i often wonder how she is REALLY doing. i find it difficult to clean my desk at home because there’s so much shit on it that reminds me of her that i end up feeling sad and need to lie down, or i end up distracting myself with videogames or television. one of these days i just need to close my eyes and spill everything into a box, tape it up, and toss it into the basement. doesn’t fix anything, but it’ll be out of sight, out of mind.
i finished filing my taxes today. avoiding the april 15 rush is definitely a big benefit, getting the 1k+ is a bigger one. i don’t have the hate that a lot of people associate with taxes; for the most part it’s treated me well. i haven’t gotten in trouble and i’ve had a refund most of the time instead of having to owe, but i’m sure i did get in trouble, or had to pay a sizable amount, or went through an audit i’d change my mind. but here’s to good times, and i’ll enjoy them while it lasts. i just hope that it’ll last for a long time.
relationships are horrid. why don’t they just all painlessly disappear once they become complicated?
but, my god, you’re rich!
i don’t now. what i do know is that they seem to become more complicated and thus more painful as i get older. this is much cause for panic and it makes me wary when thinking about future relationships.
yes, that refund is nice, but having to automatically pay some bills with it sucks. alas.